This week I celebrated my two-year singleaversary. And yes, that is a term I made up.
My singleaversay is the day I celebrate the end of my last relationship. That was the day that I decided to start choosing myself. The day that I recognized what I want and need out of life and a relationship. It’s the day that started the greatest, most exciting and influential period of my life.
Now listen. Celebrating a breakup may seem like a super petty thing to do, but I promise you, it has nothing to do with the guy. I wish him every good thing and all the happiness in the world. So no, I don’t celebrate the day because it’s the day he left my life, but instead, I celebrate the fact that I’ve been learning to love myself for two years. If people can celebrate how long they’ve been with another person, why the heck shouldn’t I celebrate how long I’ve been with myself??
Here’s my thing. I think every person in the world needs to be single for a while. You need to have a transformative time. You need to learn who you are without someone else interrupting your growth. You need to be selfish. You need to love yourself so much that when your partner does come into your life, they can love you fully and you can give them the same kind of love.
Society doesn’t celebrate singleness. They celebrate being with another person. Think about it. Almost every book, movie, TV show, and song revolves around love. We tell stories and root for happily ever afters. We watch people fall in love and find their one and only. We laugh at dating stories and we cry at scenes of loneliness. Anniversaries and celebrations are reserved for couples. The wedding industry is huge. And when you’re single, the clear goal is to find another half, because being alone is clearly the worst thing you can be.
How cool would it be if your happily ever after could come from you and you alone? What if we publicized the stories of falling in love with yourself? What if loneliness existed, but it wasn’t the primary goal of every waking minute to combat it?
What if we stopped acting like singleness is taboo or a disease we need to cure?
I get it all the time. When I tell people I’m single, they seem sad for me. Or they want to try to set me up. Or they seem surprised or shocked (I’ll say, this one does feel like a compliment, so I don’t mind it as much). But to quote Jo from Greta Gerwig’s Little Women: “I’m happy as I am, and I love my liberty too well to be in any hurry to give it up.”
So stop telling me I have to feel sad in my singleness. I’ll turn that narrative on its head. I’ll celebrate my singleaversary and shout it from the rooftops that I’m happy being single. And I’m thriving on my own.
Do I want to find a partner and be in love? Of course, I do. I get excited all the time when I think about the person that God is shaping for me. I get even more excited about the person He is shaping me to be in the meantime.
I love being single right now. I have fun flirting with the guys at the bar or at work. I enjoy going out to a movie by myself. It feels great to make decisions for my life that I don’t have to involve another person in.
I also love and value the work I’ve gotten to do during this time. Rather than crying over a boy or stressing about a relationship, I’ve had a chance to dig deep into my own personality quirks and determine the person I want to be. I’ve rediscovered what’s important to me. My priorities have shifted and I’ve learned how to love my family and friends more joyfully. I have confidence now that I never would have found being tied to another person. And I wish that same realization and growth for every person in the world.
So that right there. That is why I celebrate my singleaversary. Because being alone isn’t something I want you to pity me over. In fact, it’s something I want you to celebrate with me.
I celebrate my growth. I celebrate the fact that after time alone, I know my worth and I’ll never settle for anything less than I deserve ever again. All too often I see examples, in the media or my own life, of people I love and respect in relationships that aren’t feeding their needs. Relationships that aren’t healthy. Or relationships that are just fine but deserve to be incredible.
And people stay in those bad partnerships because they believe the myth that being with someone is better than being alone.
Well, call me MythBusters because that claim couldn’t be further from the truth. What they don’t want you to know is that being alone will always be 100 times better than being with the wrong person.
Being alone has taught me patience, drive, creativity. It’s taught me to explore, to love in new kinds of ways, and to truly write my own story and become the best version of myself.
And that is what I wish for every one of my readers, my friends, and honestly everyone in my life. I wish that you passionately and unwaveringly love yourself. I wish for you to never ever accept less than the beautiful, exciting, abundant life you deserve. Even if you are in a happy relationship (which I am so so happy for you if you are!), I hope you never stop growing. I hope you never stop discovering. I hope you never stop choosing yourself.
And if you are single, I hope you never apologize for it again. Because you know that I absolutely never will. In fact, I’ll celebrate it as long as I possibly can. And you’re more than welcome to join me.